my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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