Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
