the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
