i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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