Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
