Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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