all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
