I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
