What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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