After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She told me I should be a condom model.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
