no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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