All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i dont even know how to be here
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
