Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
