I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
