Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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