did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
