Who wears a wallet chain?!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
