i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
