Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize