Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
