shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
