My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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