I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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