so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i love accidental penises.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
