If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
