I wish I only lived at night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
