So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
