somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
