i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize