I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
