K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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