The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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