I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize