Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
