Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
