it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
