Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
