____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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