i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize