Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
