will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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