Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
