See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize