i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
