he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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