he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize