so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My life is pants optional.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
