Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
