I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Michael Bay diarrhea
what day is it and did you see me today?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
