made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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