She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
