whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
