is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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