I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
