bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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