She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
