But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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