i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize