im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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