Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
someone owes me an orgasm
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
