please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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