my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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