i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
