I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
