Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
