Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
