Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
