Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
