Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
