You don't have asthma, your pregnant
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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