I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
