Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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