Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
