I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i now understand why vodka
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
