I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize