and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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