Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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