When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize