I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Still dying that you shit outside
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
