***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We're too hungover to prance.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
