Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
