Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
