it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
