apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
