dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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