so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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