I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize