Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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