I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
